the yous that have become mine

It’s weird, coping with the death of a parent. Your world stops spinning, yet you come to the realization at some point that life continues as normal for everyone else. You know that people are looking for some sort of response from you, but you don’t quite know what to say. It doesn’t hit you for a couple days, sometimes you write about it before it’s become a full reality for you. It comes on slowly, and you know that it’s coming, but you can hold it at bay for a little while longer. It creeps, and you struggle to keep it in check. People ask you how you’re doing, and sometimes you respond indignantly. Other times you have to think about why there’s a strange look on their face like they’re treading on thin ice. You think that you should be screaming out to the abyss and questioning why a life was taken, but you realize that there’s a plan in everything. You realize that it’s selfish of you to want them to stay on this earth. You’ve watched them take their last breath, and can reminisce on the good times you’ve had. You spend the last couple hours of their life surrounded by your mother, two brothers, one of their girlfriends, and your father. You talk about the good times that had been spent in each others company, and laugh about favourite movie quotes. And while its tough, you have a myriad of people surrounding you, lifting you up in prayer, and holding you while you weep. You realize that no matter how shitty things are, God is in control, and you are never alone.