expose

i'm going through this phase where i am convinced i'm never getting married. i tell people that the reason is because you can achieve deep, meaningful relationships through community, and that i don't need some man to complete me. but the deep down, honest truth is that i'm scared. i am terrified that i will never find somebody to share my every thought with. that my thought processes are not like those of others. that they are so wildly out of the norm nobody will understand them. or that if they do, they won't want to hear them from me. and no matter how sad it is, i can't just accept that somebody will love me enough to get to my very core. so, future husband (whoever and wherever you may be), the wall around my innermost self is quite tall. however, it is also very fragile and quite easily dismantled with the right words and actions.

Ed Thomas

So I'm watching the Espys (surprising, I know) but I just want to say that I am so impressed by the Thomas family. What a testimony! Their father was murdered and they showed compassion and love towards the murderers family. That is how a Christian family is supposed to look. And though the situations are drastically different (I can't imagine how it would be to have my father taken away from me so suddenly) I get that feeling that God is still in control despite the insanity that surrounds you. You don't get it, but you just put your faith in the One who is bigger than your life. SO impressed that their story was told in that venue.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm obsessed with the Old Spice commercials. HIYAH

snuggles?

i'm ready to have a boy to sleep next to again. i must not be so awful that nobody is interested. time to take some of halie's self confidence tips.

the miscommunications

i was talking to my mother the other day and she said the only thing she ever wanted was for my dad to love her as much as she loved him. which spurred a thought. sometimes people don't show their love the same way we show ours. we get caught in a miscommunication and our love is lost. stop losing it, start valuing it. no matter if it's how we think it should be, they may be thinking the same exact thing on the other end.

magic

so this post is going to be a bit longer than normal. and it's going to be in bullet point format because that's how i think. i'm going to tell you about a day in the life of, well, me.

• i had a late start to my day, and still had to get my tire filled with air and drive to work which takes about an hour. not a happy start.
• i got pulled over going a lot over the speed limit. lets say 20 over. so clearly the cop is like uhh ma'am you were going pretty fast. long story short, he decides to have grace and just give me a warning. thank the Lord, right?!
• i made it to work with 1 minute to spare, and get put at a kind of lame spot in the store. one of the plain old registers where you don't really do anything, so i have to go out and interact with guests a lot. here are some of those interactions.

1. a man (in his upper 40's lower 50's, married with kids a little younger than me, and foreign) walks over to me and says something along the lines of "I don't mean to offend you but I just had to let you know... you are a very beautiful woman." and i just stopped and stared at him. i don't take compliments very well, but for some reason they matter from complete strangers. i blushed and thanked him, and he smiled and walked away. i held my head a little higher that day.
2. this story may or may not bring a tear to my eye. this little girl was pitching a fit because she wanted one of the yeti balls. her dad comes up to the register to buy some candy and says to me, "I want to buy that yeti, also." now, this guy had a teardrop tattoo by his eye. scary. he goes on to say "I am the happiest I have ever been. just ring it up." so I grabbed one the little girl wasn't holding and rang it up. i ask if he wants a bag, and he replies "no. i want her to think that i just took it for her" so i smile and give him his receipt with his candy and he walks over, takes one of the yeti balls, and sneaks it out of the store. but right before he walks out, he turns around and grins at me. and the little girl followed him out of the store.
3. three brothers came to my register to buy these trading figurines that we have. well the oldest got the one that he wanted so he was done, but the two younger ones wanted one just like their older brother. however they had to trade from the mystery box. but the lady i was working with was being a rule follower and said they could only trade once. so one of them got what they wanted, and the other didn't. a little while later they come back with their dad and a younger brother who wanted a specific one that we didn't have in the store. so he gets one and starts trading. well i broke the rules and let him and his other brother trade until they got one they liked. well the little boy couldn't seem to pick one from the mystery box he liked. so i turn it around, and let him just pick whatever he wanted. the dad looks at me with insurmountable appreciation and mouths 'thank you'. the little boy finally picks one he likes and his face lights up and looks at me and says THANKS!

the moral of the story is, obviously, i love my job. its my job to create magic for these kids. they're at disney world. rules don't apply there. they don't grow a single day they're there. they are supposed to have the most fun a person can have in the world. and it extends to the parents. i still get teary eyed when i see mickey mouse at the forefront of the parade. he's magic. he brings you back to childhood and makes all your dreams come true.

don't give up on a day just because it had a rough start. allow yourself to be joyful despite the circumstances.