written thoughts

when apologizing. or whatever it is you need to do. i find that writing is the best medium. you can get angry when you're reading the letter, but you're not face to face so you don't blow up and make a fool of yourself. any sort of immediate response is just not a good idea in my opinion. think it out. write it out. say everything you need to say with a level head. proof read it before you send it. because that way you're saying what you REALLY mean, rather than what your emotions are telling you to say. and that way there's no time for interruptions. you get to get everything out without the other person stopping you before you have made your real point. and vice versa. it's just smarter. and that's all i have to say about that.

wanderer

i haven't posted much recently. i don't have a good reason why. i've just been meandering through life without purpose or the desire to find said purpose. simply wandering. and it's starting to terrify me. people say that you don't have to know what you're doing with your life at the age of 20, and i couldn't agree more. that doesn't mean i'm happy with the fact that i have no idea who i am or who i want to be. i'm just the shell of a human, walking around like a zombie, going through the daily routine. like i'm waiting for some catalyst to come and change my life. but it isn't going to come. there is no certain thing thats going to spur my life into action. it needs to come from within. i just need to start searching, rather than wandering.

the single me

i've said this before, and i'm saying it now, and i will most likely say it again. i adore being a single lady. and the reason i advocate this so much is because i don't know myself well enough to devote my life to another person. and honestly i don't think very many people do at this point in their life. yes, they can love somebody. but devote the rest of their life to them? i'm hesitant to believe it. i have changed so much in the past year, not just because of extreme circumstances, but as an individual in and of myself. and i'm most likely going to continue with these major changes until i'm out of college. yes, you do change throughout the entire course of your life, but i know that at some point i'm going to have a much firmer grasp on who I am. and how am i supposed to know what kind guy i want to spend the rest of my life with if i don't know who i'm spending the rest of the rest of my life with on my own?

let's just face it. i'm an old maid in the making.