2.08.2011

the beginning

it's what everyone tells you when shit happens. you go through something absolutely awful and what's everyones response? "everything is going to be okay" "you're going to be alright" "things will get better" ...says who? i have yet to feel as though my life is ever going to really feel back to normal. i still have emotional breakdowns that i have absolutely no control over, and i tell everyone i'm going to be okay. that's the absolute last thing i believe i'm going to be. i feel like my life is going to be a continual battle against the sadness over the death of my dad. i just want to yell that no i'm not okay and i don't feel as though i ever will be my life feels like absolute shit and that's that so back up and don't you dare tell me everything is going to be okay. and maybe finally getting this out is the first step to recovery but all i know is that i'm sick and tired of not being okay. but i'm even more worn out by everyone telling me things will get better when they can't really guarantee their words.

2 comments:

  1. It moves me how courageous and enduring you are through this time. I don't know the pain in your heart, but I wouldn't mind taking some of it to help you get through your hard days. My prayers continue to go out to you and your family..

    Ky

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  2. i have no idea how i stumbled upon this blog but it was definitely fate because this is EXACTLY how i am feeling at this very moment today. actually i have been feeling like this for a while. i am tired of hearing "everything is going to be okay" I AM SO SICK OF IT!!! i understand completely because its an every day battle that i have with myself.. i know that i am not crazy and perfectly capable of being "ok" but i can't find it. and it sure is annoying hearing "you'll be ok, or everything will be ok". i just want to scream!!!! anyway. i just realized this was posted a while ago, but i hope you're feeling a little better.

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